Who Was My Father Before He Was My Father?

Series: Who Would You Like to Meet?
Episode 1: The Men of Fairfax

My First Time-Travel Destination

One of the first people I would want to meet in this series is my father, Earl Donald Driver, Sr.

I know his genealogy. I know the father who raised me. What I don't know nearly as well is the young man he was before he became the father I knew.

Sure, he gave me little hints here and there.

I know many facts about his life, and I was blessed to have him with me until I was 41. He was born on October 27, 1928, in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to Hobert Edwin Douglas Driver and Gladys Mary Jackmon Driver.

His parents already had older sons, including Edwin Douglas Driver and Natanial Lorenzo Driver, who were born in Gloucester County, Virginia. Even that basic information tells part of a larger family story: sometime around 1927 or 1928, my immediate Driver family migrated from Virginia to Pennsylvania.

My father was the baby of the household, a position often associated with being a little spoiled.

As the baby of two myself, I strongly disagree with that characterization.

But those are genealogical facts. They tell me when and where he was born, and something about the family he came into. They don't tell me much about his childhood, teenage years, or young adulthood.

And that is where the mystery begins.

Who was my father before I knew him as my father?

Years ago, I discovered photographs, newspaper clippings, event materials, and other memorabilia associated with a group called the Men of Fairfax.

My father was a member.

Suddenly, another door into his life opened.

Imagine that. The man I knew as my father actually had an entire life before me.

Who would have “thunk”?

The Father I Knew

Here is what I remember and cherish about my dad.

He was a caring father who gave me both life skills and substance. My soon-to-be-released book, Good Government Job, explores in much greater detail the impact he had on my life and career.

He was practical. He loved his Philadelphia sports teams, especially the Eagles. He enjoyed traveling and socializing with people. He was a husband who loved his wife. He served in the U.S. Army during the Korean War era and built a career with the U.S. Postal Service.

He wasn't flashy.

That was my dad.

Or at least, that was the dad I knew.

Finding the Men of Fairfax material left me dumbfounded. I began asking myself: How well did I really know my father as a whole person?

What other surprises were waiting for me?

Who was this mystery man?

Who Were the Men of Fairfax?

This is where my investigation currently stands.

From what I have been able to piece together, the Men of Fairfax organized parties, dances, and other social events throughout Philadelphia, apparently during the 1950s and early 1960s.

I was fortunate enough to locate and speak with one of the members, Coy Butler.

Mr. Butler recalled that my father and several other young men—some apparently still in high school—formed the club during a period when there were relatively few social and entertainment opportunities available to young Black people in Philadelphia.

That conversation also brought back something my father had told me years earlier.

He had helped organize cabarets.

Today, we might hear “cabaret” and think primarily of a theatrical performance. But in mid-20th-century Black social life, a cabaret could also be a dance or social event featuring music, entertainment, refreshments, and sometimes live performers. Social clubs and other organizations sponsored these events.

My father also told me that they brought in well-known entertainers.

I heard those stories when he was alive, but I didn't fully understand their significance.

Now I wish I had asked more questions.

When I put these pieces together, I see a young Earl Driver who may have been involved in Philadelphia's entertainment and social scene in a way I never associated with the man he later became.

Yes, my parents loved opening our home to family and friends. They enjoyed people. But as a child, I never connected those informal gatherings in our home with this earlier, more organized chapter of my father's life.

Maybe there was a connection all along.

My Time-Travel Destination: Philadelphia, 1946–1955

If time travel were possible, I wouldn't necessarily go back to witness some famous historical event.

I would go to Philadelphia.

And I would want to observe my father's life roughly between 1946 and 1955.

Why those years?

They would take me into his life after high school and before children—a period that would also include his courtship and marriage to my mother, Geraldine Jackson.

I wouldn't want to change anything.

I'd just like to watch.

I'd like to see the places he went, hear the music he heard, meet his friends, and see this younger version of the man I eventually called Dad.

And eventually, I would want to sit down with him and ask some questions.

My Time-Traveler Questions

1. Why did you become involved with the Men of Fairfax?

2. What was your role in the organization?

3. How did the Men of Fairfax get its name, and who started it?

4. What kinds of cabarets, dances, and other entertainment did the organization promote?

5. Who were some of the entertainers you brought to Philadelphia?

6. Who were the most interesting people you met through the Men of Fairfax?

7. What eventually happened to the organization?

8. Did you lose interest in entertainment, or did that experience influence you in ways I simply never recognized?

The answers would add a dimension to my father's life that I never imagined while he was alive.

And perhaps there is another connection.

Like Father, Like Son?

There is some irony in all of this.

When I was in my early twenties, I wanted to be a bartender. I went to bartending school and was hired to work a few events. At one point, I even thought owning a bar would be neat.

Fortunately—or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it—my uncle talked me off that cliff.

I eventually worked at one of the largest and hottest nightclubs on the East Coast. My experience in that world grew. I saw another side of nightlife and entertainment, including an underside that I didn't particularly like.

Eventually, I walked away from it.

And now I find myself wondering:

Did my father have a similar experience?

Did he simply grow out of that world? Did marriage, military service, family, and a career take his life in another direction? Or did the young man organizing social events in Philadelphia possess skills and characteristics that were still present in the father I knew decades later?

Maybe I was looking at pieces of him all along without knowing where they came from.

That's one of the things I would ask if I could travel back.

Back to Now

Genealogy opens doors to the past, but records can take us only so far.

We can find birth certificates, census records, military files, marriage licenses, obituaries, photographs, and newspaper articles. We can reconstruct where someone lived and sometimes even what they did.

But that doesn't necessarily tell us who they were.

That's why conversations with living relatives matter.

If you have an opportunity to interview—or simply have a meaningful conversation with—someone who holds part of your family's story, don't automatically put it off.

You still may not get the entire story. Memories fade. Details disappear. Some things are forgotten simply because that's life. Other things may never have seemed important enough to mention.

Maybe genealogists and family historians need to borrow a few techniques from investigative reporters.

Do your homework before the conversation. Know what you want to learn. Ask questions that invite stories rather than one-word answers. Listen carefully. Follow unexpected clues.

And, above all, be respectful.

Researching the living requires more than curiosity. It requires knowing what to ask, how to ask it, and sometimes what not to ask.

Have a goal.

My investigation into the Men of Fairfax isn't finished. In fact, I suspect it is just beginning.

I have photographs. I have newspaper clippings and event materials. I have the recollections of at least one member. And I have more questions than when I started.

So, when I learn more about the Men of Fairfax, I'll be back with their story.

Until then, there is another destination waiting for my imaginary time machine.

Stay tuned for Episode 2 of Who Would You Like to Meet?

A Question for You

If you could travel back in time and meet one member of your family before you knew them, who would it be—and what would you ask them?

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